old life..new life...

hopefully the post title is appropriate for whatever i will blabber today...

time flies fast..october is ending..and im going back home to the Phils for a vacation...wahehee...and visit Bohol..looking forward to spending time with my family and friends and the expenses not so much...

ummm..i need to update my lj header and my blog header...oh i will someday :D

i have been thinking recently...how my friendships are going on these days..two years ago..i have met the most wonderful people in tegomasu fandom...flailing with them..and talking nonstop...i have few friends in fandom..but i dont share just fandom with. them..even some personal things....out of the 5 to 6 people that closest..i have met half of them personally...i think 2 or 3 only remains....

as technology changes and our lives become busier and we have adored other fandoms..somehow we drifted apart..i still say hi to them..but we don't really chat that long like the way before...part of me missed it...and a part of me..told me..this is the time move on...for the longest i have considered myself a loner...hahaha...this was probably after i left acn and then move to headstrong..and fell inlove with my friend..hahahaha...i know i have compared my previous friendship with him with all the friends and people i have met along the way..and i think that was too sad..because somehow i kept my heart on guard...

its been a long time since i really feel wonderful happy that i don't care if i look like a fool..i wanna feel that again.....there's something inside that is missing that even my favorite boys cannot fill in...i feel like i have wasted my life for the last 6 years...though that is debatable...recently i promised myself  to socialize more..with the right people..i mean i still have to careful who to tag along with..because i am easily influenced...will the day come again...that someone will consider me his/her closest friend....am i expecting too much...

i don't want to be known as someone who just go with the flow...but also i am always afraid of being a possessive friend...*sighs*..i really don't know what to do..but i hope to God..i can feel that happiness again...the feeling that you are never lonely because you have a friend or someone i can lean to..

to all my friends whom i have lost, have forgotten and so far away...i always believe..that someday our paths will cross again..don't forget to smile when you see..and i will be glad...

to all my friends, RL or OL..thank you for being part of me..i wouldn't have be able to stand at this time without you along the way..thank you for being in my life...once upon time...:D

wow 6 months after

i never realized i was completely neglecting this blog..all the while i thought this is updated..but look what i found..it was last updated last February..i was still in the Phils, and now I am in Malaysia..so many things have a happened...and in just 4 months 2012 will say goodbye while 2013 will say hello...will it be the end of the world....i really don't know...

a lot of things maybe happening around the globe some were really worse, earthquakes, tsunamis and typhoons..among natural disasters....but people are still standing..and getting all those new gadgets...and I believe its not the end of the world yet...though its sad to know...wars and poverty for some people on the other side of the world....

and a lot of things have happened in my life...i went out of the philippines again..and now trying to survive here in malaysia...now on my fourth month..i feel like im still not at par with everything around me especially in work...i dunno if its me..that i have become prejudiced with everything especially with work...and co-workers

but it pays well and as of today...a big chunk of debt was lifted off from me...YEY..but i still have a long road to take...but slowly im taking steps :) so be proud....

as for my favorite boys...TegoMasu..they are keeping things lovely...its so nice to see them now so comfortable with each other and not so awkward..because believe me...i remember watching some videos of them which they really looked awkward despite them trying to look they really get along with each other...and i think it goes that they are maturing...they are still cute and adorable..but somehow me as fan who watched them for the last 4 years....really is proud of their achievements and how they grew both as an entertainer and a person to me...and im glad that I am a fan of them..

my favorite group NEWS after the heartbreak of the loss of two famous members...stand up and proved to us FANS..that we are worth waiting for...too bad..if NEWS had held their comeback tour at the end of the year..i might try my luck again getting japanese visa to watch them..but I guess i should wait for Tegomass next year..wahahahaa.....Koyama, Shige, Tegoshi and Massu...thank you for standing up for NEWS....it was worth it...stay as sweet as you are...

expectations.....

all the while i thought i was updating this blog..but its the other one...

its one of those days..where you feel like nothing is going right around your world...i always say its the hormones..i really don't know...and why does seeing your FB statuses always trigger this kind blogging..hahaha...no its not you..i need to let out some of my head hehehehe...

actually..i am not sure..why really small things got me affected these past few days...i cried just the other day..regarding some insecurities at work....getting feedback from my superiors...i am overthinking it...sometimes i always wonder do i still love my work and enjoy it the way it was before...or i am getting pressured with people around me who are better than me at such a young age...i can say i am envious because they look so confident...but i am still hoping they all get successful...hayyyy...or should i really walk out of this industry...hehehehe....but it pays well....*sighs*

another thing...too much expectation from online friends...i was stood up by one of my closest friends when we are supposed to meet...after that event..i feel like i am only one of her friends that got remembered sometimes...i tried to put a guilt trip on her..but i dont think it will work..and it never works....

somehow my morale for the last week has been low...only food and some shopping trips makes me forget...i dont know what to do anymore..

but i prayed to God that i will be letting go..letting go of all the expectations and disappointments...i can only pray that i will be better in reacting to them....

why is such my life!!!!