ramblings

I know I have been restless recently..oh well..it's not the first time happening…it was how do you say…a year in the making now…or probably half a year in the making..such a long time ne?

I am not sure if getting access again in LJ was a joyous occasion for me or my downfall…hahaha…see I am too confusing..that's why I needed to write or rant this out so it can be out of my mind…is this a phase I am going through..fandom wise…bwahahhaa…

I still know for sure I love Tegoshi ->Tegomass-> NEWS…but somehow…I feel like I am in a dreamy land when they are all concerned….or maybe I am just too sensitive….argghhh beng-chan was right….we fangirls only want to see what we want to see in our idols and most of them are good points…I told myself I am not blind to Tego's faults…there are lots…I tell you…but somehow reading other's people blogs and clearly pointing it out makes me realize..is this worth all my time and effort…yeah time..because you even though I am at office where I should be working..i tend to check out things…creating the impression that I am not really serious with work…(which is apparently quite true)…I am not sure if I have become too complacent with work or simply I am bored…until now I can't decided which is it..and imagine I am feeling tired after doing nothing at the office but got perked up when you saw TEGOMASS pics…don't you think that's too much….or too weird….

Someday somehow this insaneness and craziness will go away (I hope so…I remember getting distracted by Lee Dong Wook after practically drooling over Hyun Bin when I was watching My Name is Kim Sam Soon)…or maybe I just need to balance out my OL and RL life….i should have enrolled myself learning Chinese when I was enthusiastic about it..now I am not sure if I will be able to do that…time is not exactly on my side…it's already August in 6 months time, my contract will expire…part of me wanted to stay here...because I am used to it..and it's not really bad staying here….another part of wanted to try something NEW…or better yet getting closer to my dream of seeing Tegoshi Yuya singing live….(still my dream is about fangirling over TY..arrgghhh)

Help me I need to really strike a balance between my OL and RL life…

I think I might need to do another post just telling myself what I love Tegoshi/TEGOMASS/NEWS…

So very random: why did my mind reacted when I saw rather description of my blog got strikethrough in your blog..i know I have seen it before…but I feel like I was seeing that for the first time again…I know I lost the right to be your friend a long time ago..hopefully though i have a special part in your memory…I think once the mirror is broken even though we tried hard putting it back..it will never be the same anymore…and it's about time I find a new mirror…and I am sure you have…thanks again my dear..for those wonderful two years…and i am sorry for the things that I have done that might have hurt you….