*sighs*...this was supposed to be happy...but i dont feel like being happy right now

*sighs*....i really kinda feel sad..i almost can feel..that nobody loves tegomasu anymore huhuhuhu..except for a few people who arent close to me...first there was van...then iolekei..then misa...and now katrina...well i can be guilty of distracting myself with other fandom...but i make it sure i am updated with tegomasu...but that is thanks to katrina(who will now focus on kisumai especially since they are promoting their single in the phils) that i am updated..i just feel so sad and lonely...waaaaaahhhhhhhhh..

sometimes it hurts when people who you had the chance to flail with..suddenly does not want your idol anymore...but life changes i know..and it will take sometime getting used to...

i am still looking forward to the chance i will have in december to watch tegomasu in concert..i am not sure...what will be the outcome..if i will love Tegoshi or Massu more...but at i wont be left wondering anymore how they sound live...because i will get to watch them infront of me..yey for that...

i dunno what to think anymore..i dont want to be sad...because there is nothing i can do..life change..people change..i am just lucky i was given the chance to know them :D

*sighs*

thank God...and it's such a long time..

from my previous..THANK GOD..i now have work.....its one of my previous company..and it was not under him..hihihihihi..but another project....it was a new challenge..new friends...getting busy again...but still missing living alone...hihihihi..and of course the convenient of having your home near your office..i usually spent 2 hours everyday for the commute...and i can say..im getting used to riding bus again in the city..despite missing the open window buses in dalian....

God has never left me all through the times i was jobless....i have a friend whom i turned to financial help..when im down..but there are too many lessons learned this time that i dont want it to happen again....

so many things have happened since the last time i posted...but of course...on most cases i was really busy...coping up with my new work..since it was really a slightly different one from last time..and the expectation from me...is how do i say..stressful..mwahahhaa...

in fandom...i think...since there are not much happenings with NEWS and Tegomasu not until recently they announced their 3rd live tour..which made me too happy and planning to watch it with kei..we made plans already..with God's blessing im sure it will push through.. and im excited for it...but well...i love TegoMasu still but i dont really follow any solo stuff they do...i think my being starstrucked with Tegoshi is gone too..i love him still..but i love him more if he is with massu...than anything else...and i can say...i am not a diehard fan of him anymore...i still love him..enjoyed watching him sing..but thats it...sorry tegoshi..you're not as good as i think you are anymore like before..but thank you still for making me smile...and sometimes it makes me question how can you do that while i cant....and i will still support you and massu..and i can still say..that if ever you and massu decide to be together..i will be one of the happy people :D

im still distracted with my Qmi...I hope i get the chance to watch an SJM concert....*sighs*..i wanna see kyu baby and mimi....

i think my mind is relaxing now...hehehe..the reason i cant sleep..is because of you again...im still clueless why i cant just be casual with everything with you..and why do i feel like..you will still ignore me ...i think i really need to get your picture back...mwahahhaa...im not really inlove with you anymore..more like i feel awkward sometimes..because of what happenened..and i hope before you get back here..in the philippines and got the chance to meet again..i can meet you with a smile..not awkward....

uggghhh

uggggh....i dont know..what to think anymore..its like im trying so hard not to think about my application in my previous company...but still i cant help to be positive i will land a position a there...my patience is running out....

i have been not working for two months now....im being pissed off..at the way the lifestyle of my parents have not yet changed ever since i went out of country...and im scared to adapt to it again...i want my own room back...huhuhuhu...

PLEASE GOD HAVE MERCY ME ON ME...LET ME HAVE A JOB by NEXT WEEK...

THANK YOU....

i need to forget you

*sighs*..i should be sleeping getting ready for my beauty rest and keep my mind relax..but i sent you a comment in FB...greeting you merry christmas and a happy new year...and yes..a safe trip..

how long will i keep you in my heart..do i really need someone physically to forget you..why am i holding on to you...i know...its my fault..whatever...that i have lost your friendship..or maybe i am just too much reacting.....i should never be guilty...about what happened..i fell in love..told you..and got rejected..what is else is there..and well i guess..you are one of a kind...

i need to forget you..i need to move on....even as a friend i dont think you see me as one..i am only one of the few acquaitances you have met in your 27 years of life...and my chapter with you has been finished...i should have accepted it a long time ago...

if i ever got the chance to be hired to our company before..i pray..it will be long time before i see you....though i think its okay to see you before you go somewhere...lets see if i can do it..and does not become a coward...

MOVE ON MOVE ON MOVE FORWARD....

i love you still but i need to forget you....

i am not really yet ready to be with you...:(

such a long time since i visited here...hehehe...i am actually in the philippines already so i can access all sites na bwahahaha...youtube, facebook and of course blogspot....

22 days has passed since i dont have work...i do become bored sometimes....but i need to enjoy this..who knows what might next job bring me to..i do pray for a job abroad..but if its in the Philippines....hopefully i can be posted abroad...

i love my family yes...but...they are a little too much for me...sometimes..i feel like regretting my decision to leave china...but then...i was like i need to move forward...i have think it over so many times...and i only regret it when i encounter some issues with money...*sighs*

i am positive i will find a new job in 2011..i am praying hard for it..and just yesterday i received a call a phone interview from one of my previous companies....i know i am thinking ahead..but i can't help it...and then yesterday i found out...you are the team leader of my friend from china...my mind have already thought a lot of things..but one thing i am really sure....i am still not yet ready to be with you or be under you...i know i prayed so hard to the Lord, to be able to forget you and just get on with my life..i am not sure why am i hesitating now...you're happy..i can say i am happy....and i really wanted to renew our friendship...i feel its not yet the right time...and when is the right time..i am not sure..i want to meet with you again...but at this point..i am vulnerable...i dont know...how can i face you...

you are an outstanding person...successful...and you shine brightly...i dont want to be blinded by it....i have my own success in the last 4 years..but compared to you....i feel inferior...you will never belittle me i know that....you're too nice to be like that....but somehow...i want to meet you again..if i am proud of myself again....i do have a stubborn pride....

mmm

mmm i never thought i would be hurt...i know you are just stating some facts...and i know you have moved fandom..i never asked you to return to my fandom..i am just stating my opinions...i was really surprised..i am aware of the limit of the talents of the fandom i am flailing with..they dont brought a lot of money to their agency..but still they have their own charm...

i still love you...you are one of the nicest people i have met in this online world and fandom..its just i guess..it now shows the difference in our age...hehehee...

but you know it hurts...because there was a time you flailed over them..

its happening.....

its happening..wahahaa..i should be glad..but it kinda hurt...

last week i found out from my team mate that may manager remembered when i told him i am leaving my current work in november...so he told her to learn as much...

now its time take that irreversible step to move forward...

its scary...but i need to do this for myself....even if it means going back to zero...

gaahh..why did YOU have to ruined my day...

i should overdramatizing my life..it isn't healthy...

move forward...