hello 2013

been a long time..time really flies fast its 6 days after 2013....

congrats to me..being in malaysia for 6 months now...yey!!!..hahahaha....

i read back my previous post...i haven't really moved on...but alas i think i made small accomplishments..somehow...i opened my heart to my colleagues here in malaysia...i still have this anti-social habit...i don't really hang out that much...but somehow...little by little i think i am opening my world...

for friends...i will treasure those who people who have been a part of my life...may they be part of my current life or not..because i know..in their own way..they have helped me a lot...

okay enough of the emote stuff...mwahahaha....

my 2013 has not really started with bang...its not really sad...i mean...its lonely because me and my sister was far from my family....miles away....but i am thankful for a good year has passed and looking forward to this year...

i have so many plans...i hope by God's grace all will be fulfilled....

my family...i hope i can make them go here in malaysia....this year..perhaps if i received or signed my extension..hahaha..positive thinking..i will stay for another 3 years or so here...but who knows....

my finances...i hope everything will be much better...2012 has been better for me...but i hope 2013 will much more better....i really need to save up...for a lot of things..XDDD

my fandom..hmmm...i am still looking forward to one day watching TEGOMASU live...hahahaa...my hope of seeing SJM live has come true..they were here last December...makes me appreciate Zhou Mi...and the rest of them...but i hope I can watch them singing without a lot of screaming..i'd really like to appreciate their voices especially Khuyun...so lets keep my fingers crossed....

okay im done here mwahahaha...thanks a lot!!

old life..new life...

hopefully the post title is appropriate for whatever i will blabber today...

time flies fast..october is ending..and im going back home to the Phils for a vacation...wahehee...and visit Bohol..looking forward to spending time with my family and friends and the expenses not so much...

ummm..i need to update my lj header and my blog header...oh i will someday :D

i have been thinking recently...how my friendships are going on these days..two years ago..i have met the most wonderful people in tegomasu fandom...flailing with them..and talking nonstop...i have few friends in fandom..but i dont share just fandom with. them..even some personal things....out of the 5 to 6 people that closest..i have met half of them personally...i think 2 or 3 only remains....

as technology changes and our lives become busier and we have adored other fandoms..somehow we drifted apart..i still say hi to them..but we don't really chat that long like the way before...part of me missed it...and a part of me..told me..this is the time move on...for the longest i have considered myself a loner...hahaha...this was probably after i left acn and then move to headstrong..and fell inlove with my friend..hahahaha...i know i have compared my previous friendship with him with all the friends and people i have met along the way..and i think that was too sad..because somehow i kept my heart on guard...

its been a long time since i really feel wonderful happy that i don't care if i look like a fool..i wanna feel that again.....there's something inside that is missing that even my favorite boys cannot fill in...i feel like i have wasted my life for the last 6 years...though that is debatable...recently i promised myself  to socialize more..with the right people..i mean i still have to careful who to tag along with..because i am easily influenced...will the day come again...that someone will consider me his/her closest friend....am i expecting too much...

i don't want to be known as someone who just go with the flow...but also i am always afraid of being a possessive friend...*sighs*..i really don't know what to do..but i hope to God..i can feel that happiness again...the feeling that you are never lonely because you have a friend or someone i can lean to..

to all my friends whom i have lost, have forgotten and so far away...i always believe..that someday our paths will cross again..don't forget to smile when you see..and i will be glad...

to all my friends, RL or OL..thank you for being part of me..i wouldn't have be able to stand at this time without you along the way..thank you for being in my life...once upon time...:D

wow 6 months after

i never realized i was completely neglecting this blog..all the while i thought this is updated..but look what i found..it was last updated last February..i was still in the Phils, and now I am in Malaysia..so many things have a happened...and in just 4 months 2012 will say goodbye while 2013 will say hello...will it be the end of the world....i really don't know...

a lot of things maybe happening around the globe some were really worse, earthquakes, tsunamis and typhoons..among natural disasters....but people are still standing..and getting all those new gadgets...and I believe its not the end of the world yet...though its sad to know...wars and poverty for some people on the other side of the world....

and a lot of things have happened in my life...i went out of the philippines again..and now trying to survive here in malaysia...now on my fourth month..i feel like im still not at par with everything around me especially in work...i dunno if its me..that i have become prejudiced with everything especially with work...and co-workers

but it pays well and as of today...a big chunk of debt was lifted off from me...YEY..but i still have a long road to take...but slowly im taking steps :) so be proud....

as for my favorite boys...TegoMasu..they are keeping things lovely...its so nice to see them now so comfortable with each other and not so awkward..because believe me...i remember watching some videos of them which they really looked awkward despite them trying to look they really get along with each other...and i think it goes that they are maturing...they are still cute and adorable..but somehow me as fan who watched them for the last 4 years....really is proud of their achievements and how they grew both as an entertainer and a person to me...and im glad that I am a fan of them..

my favorite group NEWS after the heartbreak of the loss of two famous members...stand up and proved to us FANS..that we are worth waiting for...too bad..if NEWS had held their comeback tour at the end of the year..i might try my luck again getting japanese visa to watch them..but I guess i should wait for Tegomass next year..wahahahaa.....Koyama, Shige, Tegoshi and Massu...thank you for standing up for NEWS....it was worth it...stay as sweet as you are...

expectations.....

all the while i thought i was updating this blog..but its the other one...

its one of those days..where you feel like nothing is going right around your world...i always say its the hormones..i really don't know...and why does seeing your FB statuses always trigger this kind blogging..hahaha...no its not you..i need to let out some of my head hehehehe...

actually..i am not sure..why really small things got me affected these past few days...i cried just the other day..regarding some insecurities at work....getting feedback from my superiors...i am overthinking it...sometimes i always wonder do i still love my work and enjoy it the way it was before...or i am getting pressured with people around me who are better than me at such a young age...i can say i am envious because they look so confident...but i am still hoping they all get successful...hayyyy...or should i really walk out of this industry...hehehehe....but it pays well....*sighs*

another thing...too much expectation from online friends...i was stood up by one of my closest friends when we are supposed to meet...after that event..i feel like i am only one of her friends that got remembered sometimes...i tried to put a guilt trip on her..but i dont think it will work..and it never works....

somehow my morale for the last week has been low...only food and some shopping trips makes me forget...i dont know what to do anymore..

but i prayed to God that i will be letting go..letting go of all the expectations and disappointments...i can only pray that i will be better in reacting to them....

why is such my life!!!!

goodbye 2011

its the last day of 2011..in just a few hours hello 2012...i am not sure if this post will be a recap of what happened to me in 2011 or just plain blog thingy...hehhehehee

2011 has been one bumpy journey for me...until the end of the march...i was not working...then finally i got work..meeting new friends and new people...they made this journey more interesting..but somehow something is missing...i am missing my overseas life despite me being alone there...this is one part of my life that should be changed in 2012..i need to work overseas again...

financially...i get by...i have debts from friends..but somehow i manage to pay them...well my family is struggling still the best way to deal with budgeting our money with the addition of new family to us..but oh well..money is money...right now..im currently trying to read some articles on personal finance...my application for a tourist visa to japan triggered this strongly since i was not granted a visa...with that i decided i need to prove that i am capable...and will apply again by the 3rd quarter of 2012...

my fandom...before i write this post..just checking out some stuff hehehe...well i am praying for success for 4NIN NEWS and TEGOMASU..as well as Zhou mi and Kyuhun(i am so waiting for SJM comeback..because separated QMI and indifferent QMI is no no to me..please)...errr as for YongSeo..i am not sure how my support materialized because there is no chance they will be together since both are from popular groups...hehehehe..eniweis..anything can happen...

and you...hmmm i sometimes catch your updates in FB...traveling and shopping...then saw your picture...you aged...errr not beautifully....i am still undecided if i should proceed befriending you like before despite the huge gap we have....but somehow after thinking about it...i'll let it go..i will just leave it to fate what will happen to us if we meet again and got a chance to work again..there has been a huge gap for us to catch up with each other....so maybe next time we meet...everything is good...and we'll start new...again thank you...i hope we both find the happiness we are looking for :xD

happy new year!!!!!

goodbye 2011 hello 2012

i am still sad

what a way to end the week and start my weekend...the only JE group that i ever follow and stalk and the reason i am into LJ and blogging..and occupied my time..and help me through my stay abroad...broke my heart into pieces...

yes..they did not disband..but the 2 pillars of the group withdrew from NEWS....yamapi and ryo...

it is not really surprising...my favorite JE group has been stagnant for the last two years...and me and the rest of the NEWS fandom patiently waited even just for a single or an album...we will be glad...but when i read the news about the withdrawal....i was like...is this true????then i got sad and mad and disappointed...mad and dispappointment for yamapi and ryo...but more on yamapi..because everyone was expecting he will keep his promise a year ago..saying we will not betray NEWS fans...how come yamapi....were you not touched the fanmade video NEWS fan made and retweeted telling you we are waiting for you....or is it really you cannot take the other members...

and ryo...i can understand you..at least you are apologetic..but but but still...you have managed it..for the last 8 years...and now bammm...you cannot take it anymore....

i am not sorry i made NEWS my favorite group..despite your irrelevancy to Johnny Kitagawa..and despite biasness..i can objectively say you are one of the most talented and promising group in JE that was somehow underrated....and they will always be my favorite group....no matter how many members you have....

all i can say now is...4nin NEWS will have my full support from now on..im not really a fan of solo works now...i know as group...i will support you as group...so

GAMBARE NEWS....we will be waiting for the new NEWS to shineeeeeee.....

i have too much on my mind....

just finished watching SCP Premium with Tegoshi and another japanese artist as guest...i am not sure if its really been a long time since i have my fave pretty boy in JE that watching him on that show...i think he has grown up..on most interviews i always find him intimidating or over confident....though i know my love for him has really went down the drain..mwahahaha...

from being someone who i obsessively love way back before..i managed to maybe mature or became immature as a fan of him...i dont really follow him as a solo artist anymore...i always watched his shows if massu is there..if not...i just read posts or blogs about it...and despite his flaws..somehow i managed to oversee it if he is with massu...

but watching him now..im not sure if they are really rested or whatever..but he seems happy..and healthy...and i kinda like it..massu despite his weird fashion sense..still never ages..and manages to surprise me...and really I LOVE TEGOMASU...and im looking forward to watching them in japan this december...

yey..for surviving six months in my work in the phils...and yey..for being able to travel to korea...and what else...yey for the trip in japan...in december...

i have too much on my mind..that i lost track of themmm but one thing..i miss my tegomasu friend that i flail tegomasu...and i miss mama gay and mama jade....*sighs*